Tuesday, 07 July 2009
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The Size of Beauty
Two weeks ago was the first time she showed up in my water workout class.
"Can I wear a t-shirt?" she asked.
"Do whatever makes you comfortable," I said.
Sometimes it takes a lot of nerve to put on a bathing suit and show up in a water fitness class, especially when you believe yourself larger than everyone else. She isn't. Larger, that is. But she thinks she is.
She had a friend with her and a few minutes into the workout she shed the t-shirt and worked out with the rest of us, putting full energy into it, smiling... It seemed like she was enjoying it.
Last week she came alone. She emerged from the locker room nervously, her towel wrapped tightly around her bathing suit. It was when the guy showed up for class, (a rarity in this particular group,) that she about lost it. "I'll be back," she said, aiming towards the locker room. "I'm going to put on a t-shirt."
I stopped her with a hand on her arm. "Hun, you are fine. You don't need a t-shirt."
She kept staring at the man, oblivoius to the woman he came in with who was shorter than her, but probably weighed about the same. I pointed to his wife. "He's used to women who aren't small," I said, hoping it sounded diplomatic enough while still pointing out the truth.
She had tears in her eyes. "Nobody else here is as big as me."
In fact, at least 3 other people there were her size or larger. I looked her in the eyes and said gently "I don't think you are seeing yourself correctly. You are beautiful, and you have so much going for you."
She really is and does, too. She's quite lovely. Tall, long blonde hair that curls naturally, the way I've always wished mine would, beautiful face, great curves.
But she's stuck in that same mindset that so many of us are. We think we have to look a certain way, be a certain shape, carry particular measurements. We think that beauty is defined by our dress size, instead of by who we are at the core.
I wish I could offer her so much more. I wish I could help her see herself more accurately. I would pay money if self-confidence was a thing you could purchase.
Meanwhile, I'll go back to class tonight and do my best to offer those women (and perhaps even a man or two,) an opportunity to have fun, exercise, and be wholly accepted on the basis of who they are, not what they look like.
I hope she's there.
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Comments (6)
Great title! Well-written, as always! Very touching!
@haroldcabezas - Thank you, HC. :)
@fugu62 - Actually, YOU are in far better of a position than I am. Women never believe other women when it comes to our appearances. But if a man one day notices a new skirt or a haircut or just happens to give us a particular glance and say sincerely "Wow, look at how beautiful you are!"... THAT just might work.
@millie_lou - My mama teached me good. :b Love you.
@PhilippiansThree14 - your welcome--your mama been in many places
@PhilippiansThree14 - Well, I am more than happy to try to boost a lady's self-confidence, and I do my best to be attentive but I have found it difficult to give compliments without the flip side of a woman's poor self-image coming out, namely, the idea that I'm only saying it because I'm hitting on her. I still try to be complimentary as much as possible but I get tired of having my motives questioned sometimes. My women friends who know me well take them as intended but sometimes when I give the type of compliment you mention, rather than get a nice smile, I get an icy glare. But giving a boost to my friends makes it worth the risk of misunderstanding.